The Joy Luck Club - Scar

     The first section of The Joy Luck Club ends with the quote, "Imagine, a daughter not knowing her own mother!" Of the many complicated human relationships, the bond between a mother and a daughter is continually thought of as one of the most fragile, and yet, at the same time, as one of the strongest. Whether someone knows their birth mother or not, is not the question the aunties present to June. On the surface, they appear to be baffled at the thought of a daughter not remembering her mother's kindness, stories, recipies, or personality, but as the story continues, we see that the women have interesting histories with their own mothers. I assume that most mothers want a positive relationship with their child, but media tells us that teenage daughters and their mothers should not get along. Finding a sitcom or reality show where a mother and daughter are not constantly at war is nearly impossible. So I go back to the quote; do we, teenage daughters, really put forth the effort to know our mothers, and do they, our moms and caretakers, really take the time to know and understand us? I can recall many times when my mom and I have teetered on the delicate balance of give and take. We can't expect perfection on either end, but once one side gives up, restoring faith in one another can be a long and painfull process. We want freedom and they want our trust.

     An-Mei Hsu shares her limited experience with her mother in chapter two of the book. Having been told her whole life that she could not even speak her mother's name becuase of the shame she had brought on the family, An-Mei struggles when she finally comes face to face with the woman who gave her life. Even then, she watches her mother nurture her grandmother and any animosity she had felt for the woman melts away. She learns how her grandmother treated her mother and that running away was her mom's coping mechanism. Throughout her memory, she never blames her mother for leaving her behind. Instead, she learns from the experience, "You must peel off your skin, and that of your mother, and her mother before her. Until there is nothing." Peeling away layers of defenses and coping mechanisms is one of the hardest things for humans to do, but I do believe that it is necessary to fully get to know someone and appreciate them. I think An-Mei is saying that you must accept that your mother or caretaker has many different experiences that have shaped their point of view. As for accepting that thier opinion is right, you have to make your own decision entirely dependent on the situation. But remember this: You do the best you can with what you have and what you know.